It is definitely annoying that straight (and white, for that matter) is the default, and that the only people who have to think about their identity are the ones who don’t fit that mold. Straigt people really should have to come out, and the more awkward it is, the better.
I remember exactly how it felt to see that first message from him in my in-box. It was a little bit surreal. He wanted to know about me. For the next few days at school after that, it felt like I was a character in a movie. I could almost imagine a close-up of my face, projected wide-screen.
It’s strange, because in reality, I’m not the leading guy. Maybe I’m the best friend.
I guess I didn’t really think of myself as interesting until I was interesting to Blue. So I can’t tell him.
But I’m tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out.
I try not to change, but I keep changing , in all these tiny ways. I get a girlfriend. I have a beer. And every freaking time, I have to reintroduce myself to the universe all over again.
“Say something supportive. I don’t know. Or awkwardly hold his hand like I did. Anything.”
Nick and I look at each other.
“I’m not holding your hand,” I tell him, smiling a little.
“All right” – he nods – “but know that I would.”